Satou's Sapphire Nuzlocke Challenge
by Satou Asahira
Summary: I chronicle my attempt at the Nuzlocke Challenge in Pokemon Sapphire. Rated M for language.
1. A Terrible Start

_Author's note: While all of this really did happen to me, the story is a complete joke. Please don't take it seriously in any way, shape, or form._

Rule 1 of the Nuzlocke Challenge: Catch the first Pokemon you encounter in each route/cave/whatever and nothing else. If you fail to catch it, too bad, continue onwards.

Rule 2 of the Nuzlocke Challenge: If your Pokemon faints, consider it dead and release it.

Chapter 1: A Terrible Start

"Huh, this sounds fun," I said to myself as I reclined in my chair and read the text on the computer monitor. I thought I had outgrown Pokemon a long time ago but this just might be enough to get me playing again.

I walked into my room and looked at my old games. Gold was my favorite but the battery ran out and it can no longer retain save data. I never did finish Diamond...nah. I'll bust out Sapphire for this one. I popped it into my DS, fired it up, and through the magic of storytelling, I was inside the world of Pokemon.

Today I was moving into the town of Littleroot. For some reason my mom decided to make me ride in the back of our moving van, rather than in the cab where I'd be safe from death by falling boxes. After about a 3 hour drive where I wasn't sure if the bludgeoning or wicked carsickness would do me in first, I hopped out of the truck into our new town.

"What a drag," I moaned as I walked into our new house. Thank God some Machokes were doing all the unpacking for me. I was so not in the mood. I just wanted to skip this intro scene and get on to the actual challenge. Little did I know that my impatience would soon lead me to disaster.

"Honey!" my mom called. "Your dad gave you a new clock! It's upstairs! Why don't you go set it?"

I sighed and rolled my eyes as I trudged up my room to find the clock. "Aw crap, it's analog," I said with annoyance when I found it. I took out my phone to check the time. 10:37 PM. Being the perfectionist that I am, I spent a good two minutes trying to get it exactly synchronized with my phone, meticulously adjusting the minute hand to get it just right.

Finally I was about to head down when I heard my mom shout: "Be sure to read the book on your desk!" I glared at the book for a moment before giving it the finger and leaving. "Hey! You're dad's on TV!" my mom cried when I was downstairs.

"Yeah, whatever. I'm gonna go see that fat professor and get this bitch started," I said and walked out the door to the neighbor's house next door. "Hey, I'm looking for Birch so I can get my Pokemon and wreck some shit."

"Oh you must be Satou!" the woman who greeted me exclaimed. "You have to meet our daughter, May! She's been excited about making a new friend! She's upstairs. Why don't you go introduce yourself?"

I slapped my forehead. "Oh my God, how long is this intro? Fine." I remember May was at least decent-looking so maybe it wouldn't be so bad. I walked up to her room. She was checking her Pokemon and items and whatever until she noticed me.

"Hi, are you Satou?" I nodded. "I'm May! My dream is to make friends with Pokemon all over the world. Though...I'd like to be friends with you." Haha, sweet. "Oh what am I saying? We just met. Bye." And just like that she was gone.

"Well I guess Birch is at his lab then," I said to myself and made my way there. Of course, he wasn't. His idiotic lab assistant actually took the time to explain to me what the term "field work" means. I resisted the urge to punch him in the face and finally went to get my first Pokemon.

I pushed past some dumb little kid wondering if he should get help like Birch was screaming for or do nothing and found Birch being chased by a wild Pokemon of some sort. I spotted his bag nearby and began rummaging for a Pokemon to steal- I mean, help Birch with. Yes, the second thing.

The first Pokemon was a Torchic. "Nah, what else we got here? Aw, is this the one with Totedile?" I reached for the next Pokeball. It was labeled "Mudkip". "Oh, fuck no." I tossed it aside. The last one had Treecko.

"Please!" Birch screamed. "Just pick one and help me! I think it wants to kill me!"

"Fine, I guess I'll take Torchic..." I picked up the Pokeball and started the battle. It was over in 10 seconds easily.

"Thanks for the help!" Birch said. "I heard you don't have any Pokemon but you used this one with aplomb!" Aplomb? Really? I mean, I know what it means. But does any normal 10 year-old who picks up this game know? Ah, whatever. "You should stop by my lab later."

Skipping through this part, he tells me to go find his daughter and asks if I want to nickname my Torchic. I say yes and name it Frank West.

I leave town and encounter my first true wild Pokemon: a Wurmple. But wait! I don't have any Pokeballs! If I don't catch it now, does that mean I can't catch any Pokemon for this area? I can't even get Pokeballs this early in the game. If I come back with some, would I still be able to catch it? Or would that be against the rules? My DS trembled as I thought long and hard. I could pick some up in the next city. But I only have 3000...P. P? I never understood what the fuck the P stood for. Regardless, I need that for potions and antidotes and shit so my Pokemon don't faint while I'm in the field. I finally came to the conclusion that when I get the Pokeballs from Birch or May or whoever, that's when the challenge will start.

I quickly dispatched it and stopped at the Pokemon Center on my way through the next city before continuing my search for May. I defeated a couple more Pokemon on my way but had taken some damage. I could see May right there, but Frank only had about 15 HP left. I could go back heal, buy a potion, fight my way back to here, use the potion, then battle May. But that was too much work.

"Oh, Satou! I was collecting some data on the Pokemon here on Route 103," she said as I approached. "Since we're both here, why don't we have a quick battle?"

"Bring it on bitch!" I roared and hurled my Pokeball towards her. "Kick her ass Frank!"

"I've covered wars you know," my Torchic said as he emerged from his Pokeball. "And in three days, the whole world is gonna know my name."

"Go, Mudkip!" May yelled and called it out of its Pokeball.

"Frank, use a Scratch attack!" Fuck Growl. I get rid of that as soon as I can. I had Frank use Scratch after Scratch. May countered each one with a Tackle. I could see Frank's HP getting lower and lower. I frantically searched my bag but it was empty. "...Fuck."

May's Mudkip delivered another Tackle and Frank fainted. According to the rules, he's dead and I have to release him. But he's my only Pokemon so I guess I have to restart. "Fuck!" I yelled and threw my DS to the ground.


	2. It Only Gets Worse

_Author's Note: I won't be writing _everything_ that happens because I'm lazy and writing about grinding sounds about as fun as reading about it. So instead, I'll just include whatever events I deem important/funny enough._

Chapter 2: It Only Gets Worse

I restarted my game and quickly ran through the intro. I remembered to grab the potion from my PC and get one as a promo for the Poke Mart. I easily beat May the second time around. After being dragged back to Littleroot, I received a Pokedex, some Pokeballs, and a pair kickass running shoes.

My true journey was about to begin. I decided to go to the previous Routes and managed to capture a Wurmple, which I named Fawful, and a Zigzagoon, which I named Minamimoto. After grinding, I moved on to Petalberg to see my dad.

"Hey, Dad," I said as I walked into the gym. "Get ready to-"

Some little kid rushed into the room, knocking me over, and ran up to my dad. "I'm moving and I want to take a Pokemon with me! Can you help me catch one?"

"Uh, gee Wally," my dad began nervously. It was apparent that he didn't want to deal with this kid any more than he needed to. "Hey, why don't I lend you one of mine, give you a Pokeball, and have Satou show you how?"

"You've got to be shitting me," I groaned. I didn't have time for this but I could feel a mysterious force pulling me after the stupid kid. More cut scenes. Fun. I followed the kid out of town and into the bushes so I could show him how to catch a Pokemon. He quickly encountered a Ralts. "What the fuck? I didn't know these guys spawned here." I sighed. "Well whatever. Call out that stupid Pokemon my dad gave you."

He summoned a Zigzagoon. He was a higher level than me but somehow was missing Growl and Tail Whip. I decided not to question the stupidity of that and move on with the lesson.

"Okay, so you need to get its HP down pretty low. The lower the better. But be careful not to kill it."

"Go Zigzagoon! Use Tackle!" The attack barely did any damage but I wasn't expecting much. "Okay! Come back Zigazagoon!" He recalled the Pokemon back into the Pokeball. "Now I throw a Pokeball, right?"

"No! Wait! You gotta weaken it more!"

"Okay, here it goes!" He threw the Pokeball without even listening to a word I was saying. I buried my face into my palms. I couldn't watch. That was the single most pathetic attempt to catch a Pokemon I have ever- "Got it!"

"WHAT?" I looked up and saw that he did indeed catch the stupid thing. "You got damn lucky!" I sighed again. "Whatever, let's go back. I gotta kick my dad's ass and get my first badge."

"Nope sorry, you're too weak," my dad said when we got back to the gym. "Why don't you come back when you have...Hmm...four badges? Go west and fight Roxanne."

"Fine...fuck you..." I left the gym and followed his advice. It wasn't long before I ran into a fellow Pokemon trainer.

"I LIKE LEAVING FOOTPRINTS ON THE BEACH!" he shouted at me.

"Yeah, that's nice. Prepare for an ass-beating! Go Minamimoto!"

"Sine! Cosine! Tangent!" The other trainer sent out Seedot. "SOHCHTOA!" my Zigazagoon yelled and leapt into action. He Tackled the Seedot, slamming a critical hit. The enemy Seedot used Bide.

I laughed. "Dude, Bide sucks. Who in the hell would-" It unleashed it's power and killed Minamimoto in one hit. "NOOOOOOOOO!" I screamed and fell to my knees, tears flowing freely. I scooped Minamimoto into my arms. "Don't go!"

"Master..." Minamimoto said and turned to me. "Don't cry...Wh-Where's your...beauty...?" I could feel his body go limp. He was no more.

I wiped my tears and shakily rose to my feet. "That's it...DESTROY THEM FAWFUL!"

"I HAVE FURY!" Fawful yelled and easily took down the Seedot with Poison Sting.

"My footprints-" the kid began but I shoved him into the sand. I had lost a valuable comrade. But I had to press on.

I slowly trudged forward until some stuck-up rich kid challenged me to a battle. I sent out Fawful to destroy him. To my horror, his stupid Taillow nailed Fawful with a critical hit and killed him instantly.

"Master...I no longer have fury...only...deep regret..."

I cried more on that day than I have in a long time.

Current team at end of writing:

Frank West(Torchic): Level 13

Lightning(Taillow): Level 12

Fat(Shroomish): Level 5

Wesker(Nincada): Level 7


End file.
